Develop Yourself and Your Relationships
A Secret Love Affair – there is a good one! | Develop Yourself and Your Relationships

A Secret Love Affair – there is a good one!

A secret love affair and a good one? Yes. The secret love affair with yourself. Well, it doesn’t have to be really so secret affair but it must be deeply intimate and with a commitment for life.

Have a look at your relationship with yourself: is there love and joy? Or perhaps hate and negative judgement? Or something between? Try to assess this relationship in the same measures you would apply to love relationship with someone else.

Is there enough of care for each other? How strong is connection between you and yourself, your True-Self? How is the quality time spending together with your True-Self? How is the quality of the dialogue (in particular – how much negativity and criticism are presented)?

Are you fully committed to support each other in difficult times? What do you feel looking at yourself? Use the opportunity right now and write down answers.

The answers might be shocking. And yet, negative inner relationship is a common thing.
When I discuss self-relationships with some of my clients who are not fulfilled in intimate relationships with others, I hear sometimes comments like this one: “Isn’t it a form of arrogance to love yourself?”

We all were conditioned in our childhood to care for others and to give others priority. We were warned million times to be not selfish. Less consciously – we were conditioned to seek approval from others and to feel ashamed if we wouldn’t follow our parents’ moral standards.

As social beings, we need to bond and cooperate with others, and we need to feel love and belonging. That’s very fundamental truth about our existence.

There is another fundamental truth: as adults, we can’t form healthy relationships with others without a healthy relationship within ourselves. The quality of this inner relationship shapes our perception of other people and events.

The world around us is just a reflection of our inner world; so are our relationships in adulthood. That essential wisdom requires perhaps some further reflection.

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